Sejanus’ Swan
Song
In
the final scene of If Two Are Dead, which takes place in October 1762,
Thomas Dordrecht expresses regret that his effort had not resulted in the
villain’s specific conviction for Mr. Sproul’s murder, nor in further
prosecution of the powerful Philadelphia mercantile establishment that he was
positive had instigated it. His cousin Charles Cooper consoles him with the
observation that the fact that the villain was executed at all (for the murder
of his own associate) was solely due to Dordrecht’s efforts. As to the ultimate
villains, Cooper cryptically boasts, “Who knows what that unscrupulous hack Sejanus
might reveal in the newspapers?”
In
Chapter 6 of Exquisite Folly, a scene takes place thirty-five months
later, in September 1765, which includes Adelie Glasby, Hermione Leavering,
Cooper, and Dordrecht. In it, the foursome gloat briefly over the fact that the
Aldridge Brothers firm was bankrupted in 1763, and its chief has been thrown
into debtor’s prison. This is acknowledged as due in part to “a certain
scurrilous, defamatory poem [that] appeared in Philadelphia newspapers,”
according to Charles Cooper, whom all know, at this point, was the
author. In the final chapter of Exquisite Folly, the two ladies
have occasion to remark the “horrendous damage” that gossip can do in a small
town—perhaps thinking of this particular object lesson.
The
following is the literary effort in question. Cooper’s device was to make the
teasing initials the subject of the puzzle-solvers of the day, incidentally
encouraging them to rethink the scandalous accusations involved. Had its
author’s identity been known, he would undoubtedly have been prosecuted for
libel—quite possibly successfully. This might have prompted Cooper’s decision
to “retire” the Sejanus pseudonym. (Jonathan Carriel provides a
concordance, below.)
Abecedarian Peregrination
By Sejanus
A crime arranged by brothers A—
O how could such a horror Be?
Collusion bold with C— and D—?
Confession by self-murd’rer E—!
A Fraud immense on royal G—!
A murder by the villain H—!
Who swung, I saw, and earned his fate.
A Jury, shewn by steady K—
Condemned him sure to go to ’L!
Madly retreated from town
of N—
O’er neighb’ring lands to
city P—.
Through one lad’s long and arduous Quest,
Fine ’tis we managed some Redress
On him who slew the worthy S—.
Two were his crew, and
these know U:
A Villain cheap, and W—!
The murd’rer had them both Xpunged
With brutal force in Y— city …
Yet witnessed by the foreign’r Z—!
The alphabet traversed.… No more, we say!
Traducer? Start with S.L.A.!
Concordance
|
Brothers A |
The Aldridge Brothers firm of Philadelphia |
|
C and D |
Aaron Colegrove and James DeLancey, Jr., and their respective
businesses |
|
Self-murdr’er E |
Christopher Enniston |
|
Royal G |
King George III |
|
The villain H |
Stephen Hardifant |
|
Steady K |
John Tabor Kempe |
|
City N |
Newark, N.J. |
|
City P |
Philadelphia |
|
One lad’s Quest |
Thomas Dordrecht’s quest |
|
The worthy S |
Daniel Sproul |
|
A Villain cheap, and W |
Meshach “Slimy Shacky” Hager and Joe Wicklow |
|
In Y— city |
New York City |
|
The foreign’r Z |
Nacek Zamoyski |
|
S.L.A. |
Samuel Low Aldridge |
Notices – Ordering – Author – Contact
